I wish things didn’t bother me to the extent they do.
Believe me. There is no exaggeration here.
Have you ever used a matchbox? Yes. The ones that look like the image on the left. When these companies create the rendered graphics for their matchboxes and what not, they always make sure things look the perfect. The way a Big Mac looks heavenly delicious in the marketing materials. But the truth — the truth is stranger than fiction.
In all my life I have not come across a single brand of matchbox where the matchsticks are aligned correctly. And the fact that all the matchsticks in the box aren’t facing the same way bugs me. I wish it didn’t, but it does. I can’t help it.
Things bug me. In the weirdest way possible.
I loved the first Transformers movie. And like the rest of the world, I do think Megan Fox is incredibly hot and foxy. But my brain is an asshole, and it noticed her eyebrows.
Since then, whenever I look at Megan fox, all my gaze is fixated on are her thicker-than-anything-I’ve-ever-seen brows.
My brain ruined Megan fox for me.
WHY AM I BABBLING ABOUT ALL OF IT THOUGH?
Well. Two reasons, and I’ll talk about both of them. Let us start with the one that triggered writing this.
#2. THE WET N WILD RESORTS
A couple of days back, I saw a road sign for a resort — wet and wild resorts.
Considering the location, I would say the management would have built the property as a family-friendly destination. A place to break free from the chaos of the city and unwind over the weekend. And yet, the image that popped up in my mind was anything but. (It was relaxing for sure, but not at all family friendly). To maintain some censorship, let me tone it down a few notches and show you a glimpse of what I envisioned on seeing the name.
As I said. Anything but family-friendly. A safe haven for young college kids maybe.
So. That name made me think of something else that had bugged me a lot in the past couple of weeks. A name. That’s it. Just a name.
#1. BOB LEE SWAGGER
I watch TV series. Way too many of them. One of the ones I recently picked up was SHOOTER. I loved the book (Point of Impact), liked the Mark Wahlberg movie, so decided to give it a try.
How was it?
I’ve no fucking clue. I’m still not over the fact that everyone kept calling him
Bob. That has got to be short for say, Robert. Bob is already short. If one doesn’t like it, you could use Bobby. Hell, I know Roberts who are called Bobby by friends. But using a man’s first name and middle name both to address him? That has got to be both new and weird.
But, hey. I’m nothing if not compromising. I would have been fine with it. I would have been fine with his friends calling him BOB LEE. I would have been fine with his commanding officers calling him BOB LEE. What was the last straw for me was when his wife called him that. I think I was looking at the Quora feed on my phone at the time and I literally lost my mind. I mean — what the hell man!!
I don’t think I’ve ever dated a girl who used to call me by even my full first name.
Where I’m from, mine is quite a common name, so difficulty in saying it was most certainly not the issue. It’s just that they were able to find a four lettered, two syllabled shorter version and that’s what they used — Abhi. For two of the girls, I remember even that was a lot of effort and they shortened it further to Aby (and now while I write it, Aby makes me think of Abel. Brain, please. Stop!)
Anyway. The point is — girls who are just seeing a guy shorten up the said guy’s first name, and here we have a life partner, mother of his child, who is using the middle name as a compulsory addendum. Sure, totally normal. What can I say. Totally fucking normal.
As I said at the very beginning itself — The weirdest things bug me, and I really wish they didn’t.
Phew. It feels better now. Having said it all out loud.